Well, kat's father funeral is over.. n i felt bad actually after hearing alot of things from daniel... from 2 posts ago, i've wondered how was she doing and all that. This sudden thought just came to me. But.. Why am i just afraid or rather refused to make that sms or call? One simple sms or call wouldn't kill me. Damn. N you must be thinking, what does one sms or phonecall make any difference to her? Well, at least, having someone close to offer a listening ear, someone who understands her plight, feels for her.. someone that she can relate to.. someone that she can turn to when she had problems. Someone who was so close to her in the past. Someone that had truely understand her and was her best friend. Yet that someone did not even bother at all. I felt bad. Seriously. The guilt of being away when someone needed a friend around. I know i shouldn't, but well, during a point of time that yr kin has just passed away, you'll realise how important your close friends are to you. Every single one of them. I have to thank chris, ryan, darius n mark. Without these guys, I dunno how i can get on with life back then. Im sorry kat. I really do. But i know its not enough.


Ugly n nasty july, it just gets worse isn't it? Hai~!. Shit. After so long, i have to admit something. Im tired of finding an escape route. After i had seen her, THAT feeling just hit me. After shunning away for so long, thinking that it'll be all fine and time heals everything. I've failed. Just the sight of seeing her shedding tears, my heart has melted. I wanna protect her, I wanna be there for her when she needs me. I wanna be the one to look after her and only bring happiness to her n never the tears. ARGHH. But i know i shouldn't. I should move on. I cant keep dwelling on the same spot. This particular sentence has been used last yr! Fuck. What am i doing?!


Im bad at dealing with affairs of the heart. If there's a test, i'll probably flunk with a result 0.