Another week, another Monday.. All drawing closer to the end of 2010. What an eventful year. Ha. An excellent first half of the year followed by a disasterous end year. What did I make for the resolutions for this year anyway? Think I forgot about them totally. And am I better off this year as compared to last year? Maybe, maybe not. It's scary how time flies. Still feel like am kinda a fresh grad or freshly outbid ns.. But no. Am already been working in the banking industry for the past 3 over years. And within a short period of time the age of 21 is gone and reaching 30 in the near future. What the hell. Damn fast la. Haha. Guess we have to appreciate our youth, our time, and our health as well. You are only young once? :)

hmm.. This weekend is rather packed. Friday night was spent on gathering with my sim pals followed by blading with the guys. Recorded our distance this time round.. 11+ km.. Not bad.. But not as far as compared the last time round. We went further.. But didn't record it though, heh.. Have to work on sat.. Therefore woke up early, went to work followed by going home to rest before heading out to meet mark for some drinks. Met the others for dinner at suki sushi. One conclusion. Never let Darius order. He will jolly well order too much and we will have to think where to hide the stuff so that we won't be charged for wastage. Hahah.. Went for gaming after dinner and had a shock while gaming coz in our livescore application, we saw a score that read man u 5 Blackburn 0. Woah. Man utd went crazy. Ha. We soon followed it up by heading to mr bean to complete the game. Final score 7-1. What a thrashing. Finally, Sunday was spent on soccer in the evening and dinner after that. Super random on the dinner part though. We had decided to go to either lagoon or old airport rd market. But along the way someone just said about steamboat. We end up going for steamboat instead. -.-"" and just like that, weekend is over. That's fast isn't it?

Hmm.. December is round the corner.. I feel like heading out for a holiday.. But no one is going with me.. Maybe I need to go by myself.. Backpack or something.. Go relax the mind and maybe continue the journey for searching oneself. Yep. That's for all today. Now I shall enjoy the rest of the bus journey stoning. Hahahah.

Sleepless night again. This is bad. Ever since the breaking up incident happened, I seemed to have lost myself totally. Not being able to sleep, hence resulting not being able to work properly too. Everything is just screwed up now. I can't even think properly I guess. Probably I know that I can't lie to myself any longer. I'm having trouble to keep it inside of me already. N yup. To everyone's disappointment, I didn't manage to get over it. I thought I did for a short while.. But that's probably a minor distraction. When time starts to set in, she would naturally be in my mind. And yes.. Even though I have been constantly telling everyone that I'm good, it's fine. I'm ok... But in fact. No I'm not ok. I'm sorry, I lied. It's just that I don't want to be seen as a weakling or I do not wish to trouble any of my friends or let them feel sorry for me. The feelings inside me is chaotic. It's terrible at night and worse on weekends. This is just one shoutout place I can safely blast I guess.. since no one really read this anymore.. For those who know me and have read this, take it as u didn't see it. Let me continue to lie in front of u so that one day this lie will eventually become a reality. Take it as ur helping me along the way. Thanks.

I seriously think I'm into depression. Everything seems wrong. Failed relationship, job not doing well, not motivated, disillusioned, can't even take care of my own health now it seems. Damn it. The more expectations u have, the harder u fall.. How true.. This goes along with the more effort u have put in.. The more painful it will be. Arghh.

I nearly MSG her to let her know all the thoughts that are running in me.. However, I managed to stop myself from doing it. If not, it seems like I want her to take pity on me. Hai. Hence.. I end up blogging here to vent out the frustration I guess...

Loke chee Mun. Stop it. Go n sleep.

It's another new week. Monday again. Feeling the Monday blues? You betcha. Ha. Hmm.. The weekend has passed quickly. Spending Friday night blading away tiring myself, went club hopping on Saturday and Sunday was spent on gaming and soccer. Sad to say, there is still something missing. Heh. Yeah. I think those who read will get what I meant. There are still times whereby I'll think of her. But I know I shouldn't do that at all.. But hey. 4 years. Easy to forget? Nah I don't really think so.. Of course the feeling is different from a month back. It is just.... Err.. So close yet so far kinda feeling? Nah.. I also dunno how to put it out in words. Anyway, shall not turn this into an emo entry. Hahaha..

Work is turning pretty meaningless it seems. What am I doing? What is it that I want? This is really quarter life crisis. Ha.. Oh well, probably have to wait for my degree before I can apply for jobs. At least I'm armed with a business degree is so much better than a fsv diploma. See how it goes. Searching back my goal and motivation? Yeah. Probably.

Anyway, I have a new hobby these days. (and I tell ya, it's not good) haha.. I'm into my room's tv! Addicted to shows played on funshion. Watched several movies, the entire series of lie to me and am watching white collar currently. Talk about being a couch potato eh? Haha. Am turning into one I guess. And it is not good!!!!! Haha..

Alright. Destination nearing. Time to prepare for the week. Ciaos.

Good day folks,

hmm.. Have you ever enjoyed bus journeys? Sometimes I do enjoy bus journeys in the morning.. It sets me thinking and prepare myself properly for the day. (though I must say that sometimes I have head nodding sessions in the bus instead. Ha)
Have been taking this bus journey since young. The same bus, same route, just that a shorter destination. Used to take the same bus to my primary school after I shifted house. N wala. I'm taking the same bus... 16 years on. Ha. Damn. It doesn't help but makes you feel old ya? Ha. Am typing this in the bus journey to work anyway. Ha. Talk about technology. It's scary isn't it? You r connected everywhere. Hahah..

Yesterday, Chris was telling me that he is having his quarter life crisis. Not sure where to go or rather not sure what to do. Maybe it's in banking sales ppl I guess. Once our sales is not fantastic, u tend to worry abit. Well for him, he seldom worry on such things. How things change eh? Will we still be in the banking line in the future? I wonder.

Anyway, I watched eat, pray, love online. A very good and meaningful movie. Some meaningful quotes I got there is: Ruin is a gift. We must learn to appreciate it and embrace it with an open heart and mind. To think about it, ruin is actually good in a way. Yes I feel ruined by my ex. But well, on the other hand, you will move on, grow and probably make better decisions in the future. Ruin changes a person but not necessary in a bad way. Pending on how a person approaches it, it may be a positive thing. Think of the silver lining in a cloud. There's always something bright out of it. Everyone that comes into our lives gives us lessons to learn and grow. As we take these lessons, we change, develop and think differently. Probably in a more mature sense as we factor in all these life lessons. Searching oneself is never easy. But as we move along and understand ourselves from every lesson, hey, we get to know ourselves abit better and this will lead to knowing oneself.

Sad thing though for now is that I'm not sure in relationships anymore. Maybe for now I guess. Trust is something that its hard to earn yet easy to break. Probably I believe and trusted people too easily. Not saying that she did anything bad, but its just that the faith to go the distance is gone i guess. Wendy has said that my previous relationship seems like a fairytale and it seemed good. Ha. Oh well, fairytale ain't true isn't it? Anyway, I've moved on. Probably enjoy singlehood for now I guess. What happens next, im not sure too. But one thing I do know is that I'll probably have to settle what I want to do first. This is still hanging in me for the longest time... Do I still wanna do sales? Have to sort this out. Am still doing things as per normal.. But evey once in a while. This thought will pop in. Hai. Life ain't easy eh? Ha.

Alright.. My destination is reaching.. Meaning that this post should end too. Ha. I think I might just start posting in bus journeys. Hahaha.. Till thn. Take care ppl.

Hey ppl.. ha. looks like I'm slowly re-activating this blog all over again. I'm surprised that there are people who has been following my blog. Thanks to those who still follow.. and sorry for the long periods whereby i went missing.. To be honest, this blog seemed really more like a complaint corner.. haha.. so i hope those ppl who still read my blog.. pls do not get too affected by the things I say.. take it as a small child whining. hahaha Probably that will be better. Heh.

Anyway, first major update to everyone.. yes. Its over. I'm single. Everything ended. After all the efforts I've put in thinking that everything will be good.. It still ended. During the time when she was based overseas and we had a LDR.. i thought that was the hardest period.. we went through it successfully.. when she was in JAL.. (stationed in Singapore) everything seem good.. there were even thoughts on settling down and all... tried to ballot for hdb.. etc. ha. well.. like they say.. all good things will come to an end. it ended. Painful but. I have to take it. Embrace changes is all i can say. A number of things I've learned from this break up.Well.. 1 main thing i know is that I have to learn to be stronger. Easier said than done but ya.. Till date.. im still trying to get my grip back to life.. I may look normal on the outside.. but inside.. it's a different story. Feelings are somehow kept in a forgotten pocket in the brain and I'm trying my best not to touch that sensitive pocket. On top of this I have to focus on one other important thing... which is obviously my exams. Hmm.. life for me so far has never been smooth sailing or pretty.. It's filled with trying periods every now and then (oh well who doesn't u must be thinking) but ya.. there are always times whereby you hit a new low point in life it seems. And when shit happens, everything would come together. How great is that. They always test me on my personal character and strength. I didn't fare well though. Heh.
Then again, i should be more optimistic and not whine on such matters anymore.. it brings me nowhere.

Sidetrack. I left my previous employment and went to another bank.. UOB. Oh well, i shouldn't say too much about it. If you read my previous post.. you will know why I do not wish to go into details on the bank.. Main thing is.. its not the bank.. its just other stuff. Heh. *SKIP*

Anyway, this post sounds pathetic. Are you ppl really reading such crap by me? Ha. Hopefully the next one would be better.. or maybe.. its just due to the fact that I'm more affected today because of the date. It was supposed to be our anniversary. Arghh. what am i doing.

K sleep. Study. exams again on Monday. Ciaos.

Seems like I'm gone for the longest time. Well, if this s a release corner, thn it will well be a place for me to pour out everything. No one is reading this place anymore i believe, which is a good thing too.. Every post in here seems like some sad news. Was reading the previous entry. The terrible thing that happened to my mom. Thats a nightmare. Come this year end. Things are not working in favor of me as usual. I have unlucky strikes whenever it comes to the end of the year i wonder whats wrong too.

Fast forward one year on. Recently something really big happened. I was having problems with my gf. Things were getting really shaky and im currently threading on a very fine line. She had a change of jobs, came to join me in sales but over at the housing loans side. The work stress plus other commitments seemed to force her to think it over on our relationship. Am not going to put in everything in this post as it may seem like im hanging dirty laundry in public. But one thing is for sure.

Im just gonna say my feelings now. Im lost. All that I may have planned for with her are turning into jeopardy. Will we really make it? Its even harder to accept why am I that weak. A relook back a number of years, Kat broke up with me and yes im devastated. But that was only over a year and half of relationship. Plus the fact that we were pretty young thn. Come at the age of 26, these things happen over a nearly 4 years of relationship. I cant really accept. I want to be stronger.. but i have a weak and fragile heart it seems. It seemed like I'm an overly dependant person in terms of emotional support. Is it because she is considered as my closest kin since im not really that close to my family as a result? Im not sure. I can confide everything with my gf.. She is the person who is there for me whenever i needed her. But this time round, this person is not there. Why cant I stand up on my own? I feel empty. I've lost focus. My life goals with her seems to be fading away. Can future be really this unpredictable? Man.. Im trying to see is there sunshine after this heavy rain at the moment. Am really lost but only I can lead my own way out. I cant be relying on ppl. I thank friends who gave me emotional support when i needed them. Thanks.

I need time to pull through. There is still hope but its kinda weak. Hopefully things can change for the better. A new approach to this relationship may help. And Im trying it. Pray for me.

Was listening to Show Luo's 搞笑. Ha. Match perfectly.

那一条牙膏 在对我傻笑
嘲笑我永远用不掉
想睡就睡 想闹就闹
好快乐少了人唠叨

蓝色的碗盘 多买了一套
我忘了没人陪我通宵
要多少替代的丑角 无辜的陪笑
才会让我能真的忘了你的好

我在搞笑 借着热闹 掩盖着心跳
边哭边笑 偏要说着 一个人真好
当人群散了 突然觉得我可以死掉
我受不了

还在搞笑 害怕回家 不知怎么熬
这么多年 早就喜欢 有你的撒娇
我想我能熬 但是至少要让我知道
你好不好


我们的小狗 食量变好小
眼神里常常显得无聊
他习惯睡觉的床位 少了一双脚
所以他常常看着门口睡不着

我在搞笑 借着热闹 掩盖着心跳
边哭边笑 偏要说着 一个人真好
当人群散了 突然觉得我可以死掉
我受不了

我在搞笑 却在最后 眼泪拼命掉
你的离开 失去多少 我计算不了
忙完了一天 突然觉得又何必辛劳
对谁炫耀

还在搞笑 是否拥有 麻痹的疗效
唱一夜歌 却避不开 催泪的曲调
我彻夜胡闹 希望听到有人会提到
你好不好

This will be a long post i guess.. Its been really a long long while since i last update anything here ya? Oh well..lots of things happened.. i do have to agree that human beings have to adapt to changes quickly as this is the one and only thing that will not change. Sounds like a pun eh? Well if you sit back and think about it, i believe that all of you will have to agree with it. Everything keeps changing. And nothing can stop it from not changing.

The last post i had was exams ya? ha. its the same this time round.. exams again. Darn. Really hate it. And this time round, the thing that is tormenting me is again finance stuff again. Investment module. Wonder how am i going to pass again. Well as for my business finance, i had past year paper to deal with it. This time round, i had nothing. Study everything la. Well, not as easy. Hai.. Took a week plus of leave just to concentrate on this paper... hope i can clear it.. *prays*

A major thing happened to my mum a few months back.. she is finally recovered now.. my mum went for a harmless genting trip back in june. However, this harmless trip ended up being very harmful as she ended up having fever of 40C and going in and out of hospital. She stayed there for 2 full months and nothing was known on what is the infection that caused her to be this bad. There were even times that i thought i might lose her as she began hallucinating and everything just got from bad to worse. It was really the darkest period of my life.. Juggling between work, school and hospital. Thinking back, there were countless times that i don't know what to do and feel like throwing the towel and leave everything to fate. Oh well, somewhat, i managed to hold on... bare minimum though. My mum's nightmare didn't end there, she was transferred back to a rehab hospital for another month and eventually back to the primary hospital for another two weeks before coming back home. Hai. What a long journey and worst thing is, the cause is still unknown. Lots of strange diseases coming out these days though... 2012.. end of the world? *shrugs*

Work hasn't been really smooth-sailing. Disrupted by reservist and exams.. am still unable to excel in this job. Oh well, the bad thing is, self doubt starts to occur as it seems like im unable to perform in this job.. but of course. given the market situation, i have to pull through it.. or maybe i'll need a change of environment. am not sure how that is going to end up though. We'll see.. Changes in the management too.. SEE. Changes are happening at such a frantic pace.

Love, well has been pretty good i would say.. but of course there are times of minor conflicts and resolutions were settled rather quickly. Toodar has also stood by me in a number of trying moments and really appreciate her for that. Well, let's hope that everything is good... as long as possible..heh..

Hai.. 315am now.. am supposed to read up abit more before sleeping.. but somehow, the mind is reluctant in studying. It has been like this for a while now and that's not good. I wish i know how to train my mind back to a student mind... or was i ever in that state? ha..

To sum it up, well, life is always about challenges i guess, if it was ever so easy, no one would treasure life as it is. treasure yr love ones as you might lose them at any moment. live life to the fullest. strike a balance between work and play. think positive and take on the challenges ahead. you hold your own destiny. it depends on how you want to shape it.